Relationship Boot Camp:  Happy Parents = Happy Kids 

Thursday, April 19, 2012, 7:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m., Room 41

Burton Valley Elementary School, 561 Merriewood Drive, Lafayette, CA

Healthy, strong relationships foster happier, more secure children.  This may seem obvious, but how do you keep a marriage from growing stale and minimize bickering, conflict, and resentment?  Despite all of our intentions and hopes, why are relationships sometimes so difficult?

Join Christina Madlener, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, as she reviews simple concepts that you can put to work immediately to shift even the most unfulfilling relationship.  Expect to learn:

·         The three M’s of healthy communication, and the magic tool to heal any rift

·         How “putting the kids first” is undermining your marriage and hindering their growth

·         How to improve physical intimacy in your relationship – simply and easily

·         Why “helicopter” parenting decreases a child’s happiness

·         The unspoken addiction in upscale communities (it’s not what you think)

·         How boundaries and self-esteem can make or break a marriage

Don’t miss the opportunity to learn concrete new behaviors to teach and model for your children.  The legacy we give to our children matters; attending this “boot camp” can improve your relationship today.

Sponsored by Burton Valley PTA Parent Education

Parenting in the Digital Age: With Power Comes Responsibility

Tuesday, April 24, 7:00 – 8:30pm, Stanley Middle School, Library

Technology is the medium by which our kids will be communicating, interacting, and learning in the 21^st Century. As parents, we may see the immense learning potential of technology, as well as its convenience and value in building important communication and creativity skills.  But, we also fear the risks of over exposure, cyberbullying and inappropriate behavior.

 So, what practical behaviors can parents model in our day-to-day lives to help build rational, competent and safe participants in the age of technology. How do we help children be independent, responsible users of technology tools, while also giving them opportunities to explore, learn, and connect with other people in valuable, authentic ways?

 Join us for an informative and often humorous evening, as Adrienne DeWolfe presents a balanced approach to parenting in the Digital Age of the 21st Century.

 Adrienne DeWolfe currently works as a consultant for the Contra Costa County Office of Education providing professional development and grant support in the area of technology in education. She leads the county’s series of digital citizenship webinars for educators. She most recently developed state-wide cyberbullying training materials for the School Law Enforcement Project. She holds a masters degree from Harvard University in the Technology in Education Program. Adrienne is the parent of two digital natives in first and fifth grade.

 Sponsored by Lafayette School District Parent Education

1) Character development is really important work and must be intentional

His opening question in all meetings was, "How happy are you with the ethical quality of society?  (Most responded with a "C: grade or below) How do we create a society where people are allowed to be passionate about their varying beliefs and yet still get along with others acknowledging that the other side has an equally legitimate perspective?

If we are not satisfied with the ethical quality of our culture, then we need a culture shift, a new way of life which is intrinsic and integrated into who a person is, and manifests itself in how a person behaves. 

It is not enough to not to do bad things, but to consciously do good things. 

We need a foundation of Core Values (Six Pillars) which guides our decision making, reasoning, citizenship and behavior.  Are we giving our children the tools to make the right choices in the world they live in, where our kids encounter drugs, alcohol, lying, cheating and stealing. 

In summary, he said character is doing the right thing even when it costs more than you want to pay.

2) Ethics is not intellectual, it is emotional and involves intangibles. 

So much of our attention is directed towards the academic education of our youth, and so little attention is paid to the moral/ethical training of our kids; in other words, are we defining success in such a way that we are squeezing out other values like empathy.

As Teddy Roosevelt said, “To educate a person in the mind but not the morals is
to educate a menace to society.” 

To illustrate this point, he put up pictures on the screen of athletes, white collar businessmen, and others who were highly “successful” (Tiger Woods, Bernie Madoff etc), but who had fallen or were in jail due to the unethical decisions they had made.

He made the point that people often forget what we say and usually what we do, but as Maya Angelou said, “They always remember how we made them feel.”

3) Implementation of Character Counts

a) Start with the end result, or the behavioral outcome, in mind. 

What are the changes/results you want to see and get this information from students, school faculty and parents?

b) Expand the perception of what can happen and learn to think and see differently.

 He used the work of Carol Dweck's book, Mindset which reveals that we can accomplish much more than we thought if we are given the chance to see beyond our limitations.

c) The desired outcomes must be pervasive and must affect the relationship between: parents and students, parents and faculty, and faculty and students.

Parents are the first line of defense in the realm of ethics, character and moral development and cannot delegate this responsibility.  Compromises in ethics is watched carefully by our kids. (examples - speeding, cheating in games, lying about kids ages to get reduced fees)

Give kids responsibility in the form of common projects to show we need to work together to fix things

d) Set new cultural norms - For example, if you want to reduce bullying, work towards establishing a Pro-kindness culture to counteract the bullying.  kindness trumps bullying. 

He shared the example of how sexual harassment had declined significantly because peoples expectations for behavior had changed.

Hope is not a strategy - He said deciding to do something, or hoping for something, is not the same as actually doing that thing.

e) Training - It is critical that we give parents and faculty additional training in Character Counts

5) Successful Character Counts Model includes these components:

Four Domains:
Academics
Character
Life Skills - Emotional Intelligence
Safety

Six Pillars - Shared Values
Trustworthiness
Respect
Responsibility (taking accountability for actions)
Fairness
Caring
Citizenship – how to live in a family/community/society with other people

T.E.A.M Approach
Teach
Enforce
Advocate
Model

Outcomes

Effective and ethical outcomes = the best possible result

6) Some key take aways:
Character development is really important work and must be intentional
Our values motivate our actions
What we allow, we encourage (even if we don't agree with it)
What do we want to be remembered for?
What do we want our kids to be remembered for?